Jan 23, 2013
11 notes

twelve notes on disordered eating and body image

fall in love with a boy
who compliments you for every pound you lose

when he forgets about you
eat ice cubes for dinner
and think of how much he will regret
having let go of such a beautiful

pack yourself tiny lunches with many different parts
variety will create the illusion of substance

when your period shortens from eight days to four
and loses its natural rhythm
you have found the birth control your parents won’t let you buy;
your body is no longer capable of supporting an unwanted baby.
now you just have to find someone you trust enough
to touch.

in the summer, sleep twelve hours a day
to make up for the lack of calories
and tell your mother you ate while she was at work.

half a watermelon a day will fill your stomach
and allow your collarbones to jut beautifully in the thin skin of your chest;
you know you are close to perfection when your sternum shows through.

it is even easier to skip meals and sliver down portions in college
when you come home, some friends may compliment you on your new figure
be sure to laugh away the ones who ask you if you are getting enough to eat;
but a few seconds later, ensure that you still look good
what, after all, is the point of all this
if you are not beautiful?

control the mood swings and crying fits with carefully timed sugar binges
you can make up for it later
with honeydew and spinach for your two meals of the day.

stare at yourself in the mirror after every shower;
take careful note of the love handles, the thick thighs
self-confidence will grow in their absence
but the true test is how many people
want to fuck you on a sweaty dancefloor.

take pride in the fact that you will always have an ass
more than the white girls who are thirty pounds heavier
do not mourn the loss of half your breast tissue:
you are approaching a new ideal
one made of planes and tiny soft swells.

ignore the questions of your siblings and parents
they don’t see you enough to really know how you look
much less how you should.
and anyway, bone density is overrated

watch your waist grow smaller and smaller
admire your hollow cheeks
if you still can’t find someone to love
you probably just need to shrink a little more.

  1. abathede said: baby <333333333
  2. kismaayo said: :(
  3. ojosmuertos posted this